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Literature Text
****WARNING SPOLIERS AHEAD******
You Know you’ve been reading too much Harry Potter when:
1) You stop every black haired boy with glasses and green eyes, searching their forehead for a lighting shaped scar
2) You try to send all you letters by owl post.
3) You think Quidditch should be made into an official Olympic sport
4) You check your mailbox in the hopes of getting that special letter from Hogwarts and become very depressed when there isn’t one
5) You search high and low in every hardware store for a Nimbus 2000 or a Firebolt , becoming very annoyed when the clerk tells you that there are no brooms by those names
6) When ever you see an owl winging its way over head you wonder if it’s Hedwig, Errol, or Pigwidgen
7) You search stores for the sorting hat because you want to know what house you belong in
8) You decorate your room in your school house colors
9) A cloak of invisibility is at the top of your Christmas list
10) You search London for Ollivander’s Wand shop
11) You have a pet toad
12) You’ve named your toad Trevor
13) You keep loosing him
14) Your Grandma has given you a rememberall, but you’ve forgotten where you’ve put it
15) You get yelled at by your mother for taking her broom while she is trying to clean. “But Mom! I have to practice for Quidditch!”
16) Anyone who isn’t interested in Harry Potter you refer to as muggles
17) You wonder why the people in your photographs don’t move
18) You’ve been caught trying to hold conversations with people in paintings
19) You search every art museum you can find, muttering passwords under your breath to every painting with a fat lady in it trying to find the Gryffindor common room
20) You land yourself in the hospital with a bad concussion after trying to find Plate Form 9 ¾ at your local train station
21) Any catastrophe that occurs in your house you blame on Peeves
22) You wish you had a pet dragon
23) You’d call your pet dragon Norbert
24) You do have a pet dragon named Norbert
25) You think vicious monsters such as dragons, three headed dogs, and giant spiders are merely misunderstood
26) The keepers of your local zoo caught you in the Python enclosure tying to see if the snake wanted to see Brazil
27) You hate chemistry because it reminds you too much of potions with Pro. Snape
28) You challenge your friends and family to games of wizard chess
29) You tell your bank that you wish to open an account with Gringotts
30) You are upset because Harry, Ron, and Hermione haven’t written you all summer
31) You walk down alleyways and begin tapping bricks in a desperate search for Diagon Alley
32) You believe robes of black should be the mandatory uniform of your school
33) You’ve been banned from your local candy store because you keep pestering them to order candy such as Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Bean and Chocolate Frogs
34) You have re-dubbed the small cluster of trees by your school the Forbidden Forest
35) You fly out to Romania hoping to study dragons with Charlie Weasley
36) You try to get a subscription to the Daily Prophet
37) You breed and sell three headed dogs
38) You can open any of the seven Harry Potter books to any page you want to without having to think twice
39) Your greatest ambition is to go to college on a Quidditch scholarship
40) You find yourself singing the songs of the sorting hat while in the shower
41) Halloween has become the most important holiday of them all
42) You write everything down on parchment with a quill
43) You go through serious withdrawals between books
44) You go through serious withdrawals between chapters
45) You throw a huge party every year on Harry’s birthday
46) You go around your school muttering words such as lemon drop trying to find the Headmasters office
47) You have written Firebolt on the handle of an old broom, donned a pair of black robes and a pair of goggles then proceed to run around your back yard astride it
48) You spend hours meticulously polishing the handle of your broom
49) You break your leg leaping of the roof astride a broomstick, shouting, “I see it! I see the snitch!”
50) Instead of collecting baseball cards you have a collection of Chocolate Frog cards
51) You have actually received the Order of Merlin, First Class
52) You wonder if the crazy, cat lady up the street isn’t really just Mrs. Figg
53) You get a chill anytime anyone mentions Vol…, I mean You Know Who
54) You complain to your car dealer that your car doesn’t fly and is missing its button of invisibility
55) You avoid any suspicious weeping willow trees, fearing they may try to hit you
56) You become paranoid that Dobby might try to save your life
57) You sigh dreamily whenever anyone mentions Lockheart
58) You have an overwhelming urge to puke whenever anyone mentions Lockheart
59) You join a dueling club only to be disappointed that they use swords instead of wands
60) You wear earplugs while you garden incase you come across any mandrakes
61) You burn off all your hair trying to master Floo Powder
62) You’ve actually gotten a howler form your parents
63) Parsltounge has become your second language
64) Your favorite sports team has become the Chudley Cannons
65) While most magicians try to pull a rabbit out of a hat, you try to pull out the sword of Godric Gryffindor
66) You check your bathroom for the Chamber of Secrets
67) You carry a mirror around with you to check around corners for Basilisks
68) Centaurs and elves are people too!
69) You tell your school advisor that you wish to take Charms, Potions, and Transfiguration next semester
70) You wonder why your family doesn’t have a house elf
71) You tell your teacher the next field trip should be to Hogsmeade
72) At every full moon you send Lupin a get well card
73) You’re up very late at night practicing the spell to create a Patronus incase you run into a dementor
74) Every big, bearish, black dog has you wondering if it’s Padfoot
75) You wish you had a Marauders Map (hell, who wouldn’t wish for something like that!)
76) While standing on a street corner you stick out your “wand” hand in an attempt to flag down the Knight Bus
77) Rats make you nervous, it may be Peter Pettigrew
78) You try to order butter beer at your local bar
79) You complain to the manager at your local supermarket that they are always out of pumpkin juice and butter beer
80) You’re afraid there’s a boggart under your bed
81) You keep a supply of chocolate with your first aid kit incase of dementor attack
82) You purchase a bandy legged, ginger cat with a squashed face and name him Crookshanks
83) You don’t understand why police just don’t send criminals to Azkaban
84) You’ve searched the internet in vain for tickets to the next Quidditch World Cup
85) You try to de-gnome your garden
86) You lecture people on the disgraceful treatment of House elves
87) You join S.P.E.W.
88) You get other people to join
89) You write the principle of your school imploring him to hold the Tri-wizard cup
90) You feel obligated to sign up for Care of Magical Creatures so as to not disappoint Hagrid
91) You tell your parents that you’ve finally made a career choice. “I’m going to work for the Ministry of Magic!”
92) The worst two insults anyone can call you are Blood traitor and Mudblood
93) You keep a niffler as a pet
94) You breed blast ended skrewts
95) You try to use the Imperius curse on your boss in the hopes of getting a raise
96) You’ve taken up astrology
97) You read your tea leaves
98) While reading your star chart you notice you have two Neptunes, which as everyone knows, means that there is a midget in glasses being born
99) WWDD (What would Dumbledore Do?)
100) You desperately wish to join the Order of the Phoenix to do your bit against You Know Who
101) You join Dumbledore’s army
102) You actually hire a hit man to kill Dolores Umbridge
103) You write a long letter to Percy, telling him what a stupid, stuck up, git he is
104) You are absolutely inconsolable over the death of Sirius Black
105) You practice Occlumency to prevent Voldemort from entering your mind
106) You wish to get a subscription to the Quibbler because the Daily Prophet has been slandering Harry and Dumbledore
107) You’re afraid of getting a detention on the off chance that it’s with Umbridge
108) You go on a desperate search for Number Twelve Grimmauld place
109) You study into the small hours of the morning for your O.W.L.s
110) You never keep your wand in your back pocket for fear of loosing a buttock
111)You wish you were a Metamorphmagus
112) You practice defense against the Dark Arts because you wish to be an Auror
113) You practice for your Apperation test
114) You tiptoe around your house, afraid of waking Mrs. Black
115) You feel your head is too full and try to remove some thoughts with your wand and put them into your pensive
116) You keep messing up your hair, just like James
117) You think mistletoe is full of nargles
118) For the next Fourth of July you try to order Weasley’s Wildfire Whiz Bangs
119) You try to buy a Weasley Skiving Snackbox so you can skip a few classes
120) You’ve turned the upper floor of your school into a swamp
121) You’ve seen a thestral
122) You’re wary of unfamiliar doorknobs, they may try to bite
123) You’ve been busy knitting hats to free all those poor, over worked house elves
124)You announce to the greater world that you have been chosen by Dumbledore to search the world for Horcruxes and destroy them to defeat Voldemort and save the world
125) You find yourself saying expressions such as Merlin’s beard or even Merlin’s pants
126) You absolutely refuse to believe that Lupin is dead, it's got to be a typo!
127) You’ve held a candle light vigil for Dobby
128) You search the music store for CDs by The Weird Sisters and Celestine Warbeck
129) You’ve lost your car keys and you try to retrieve them by waving your wand an shouting “Accio keys!”
130)You love “Won Won!”
131) You actually own the eighth book, Harry Potter and the Tea Kettle of Nesbit
You Know you’ve been reading too much Harry Potter when:
1) You stop every black haired boy with glasses and green eyes, searching their forehead for a lighting shaped scar
2) You try to send all you letters by owl post.
3) You think Quidditch should be made into an official Olympic sport
4) You check your mailbox in the hopes of getting that special letter from Hogwarts and become very depressed when there isn’t one
5) You search high and low in every hardware store for a Nimbus 2000 or a Firebolt , becoming very annoyed when the clerk tells you that there are no brooms by those names
6) When ever you see an owl winging its way over head you wonder if it’s Hedwig, Errol, or Pigwidgen
7) You search stores for the sorting hat because you want to know what house you belong in
8) You decorate your room in your school house colors
9) A cloak of invisibility is at the top of your Christmas list
10) You search London for Ollivander’s Wand shop
11) You have a pet toad
12) You’ve named your toad Trevor
13) You keep loosing him
14) Your Grandma has given you a rememberall, but you’ve forgotten where you’ve put it
15) You get yelled at by your mother for taking her broom while she is trying to clean. “But Mom! I have to practice for Quidditch!”
16) Anyone who isn’t interested in Harry Potter you refer to as muggles
17) You wonder why the people in your photographs don’t move
18) You’ve been caught trying to hold conversations with people in paintings
19) You search every art museum you can find, muttering passwords under your breath to every painting with a fat lady in it trying to find the Gryffindor common room
20) You land yourself in the hospital with a bad concussion after trying to find Plate Form 9 ¾ at your local train station
21) Any catastrophe that occurs in your house you blame on Peeves
22) You wish you had a pet dragon
23) You’d call your pet dragon Norbert
24) You do have a pet dragon named Norbert
25) You think vicious monsters such as dragons, three headed dogs, and giant spiders are merely misunderstood
26) The keepers of your local zoo caught you in the Python enclosure tying to see if the snake wanted to see Brazil
27) You hate chemistry because it reminds you too much of potions with Pro. Snape
28) You challenge your friends and family to games of wizard chess
29) You tell your bank that you wish to open an account with Gringotts
30) You are upset because Harry, Ron, and Hermione haven’t written you all summer
31) You walk down alleyways and begin tapping bricks in a desperate search for Diagon Alley
32) You believe robes of black should be the mandatory uniform of your school
33) You’ve been banned from your local candy store because you keep pestering them to order candy such as Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Bean and Chocolate Frogs
34) You have re-dubbed the small cluster of trees by your school the Forbidden Forest
35) You fly out to Romania hoping to study dragons with Charlie Weasley
36) You try to get a subscription to the Daily Prophet
37) You breed and sell three headed dogs
38) You can open any of the seven Harry Potter books to any page you want to without having to think twice
39) Your greatest ambition is to go to college on a Quidditch scholarship
40) You find yourself singing the songs of the sorting hat while in the shower
41) Halloween has become the most important holiday of them all
42) You write everything down on parchment with a quill
43) You go through serious withdrawals between books
44) You go through serious withdrawals between chapters
45) You throw a huge party every year on Harry’s birthday
46) You go around your school muttering words such as lemon drop trying to find the Headmasters office
47) You have written Firebolt on the handle of an old broom, donned a pair of black robes and a pair of goggles then proceed to run around your back yard astride it
48) You spend hours meticulously polishing the handle of your broom
49) You break your leg leaping of the roof astride a broomstick, shouting, “I see it! I see the snitch!”
50) Instead of collecting baseball cards you have a collection of Chocolate Frog cards
51) You have actually received the Order of Merlin, First Class
52) You wonder if the crazy, cat lady up the street isn’t really just Mrs. Figg
53) You get a chill anytime anyone mentions Vol…, I mean You Know Who
54) You complain to your car dealer that your car doesn’t fly and is missing its button of invisibility
55) You avoid any suspicious weeping willow trees, fearing they may try to hit you
56) You become paranoid that Dobby might try to save your life
57) You sigh dreamily whenever anyone mentions Lockheart
58) You have an overwhelming urge to puke whenever anyone mentions Lockheart
59) You join a dueling club only to be disappointed that they use swords instead of wands
60) You wear earplugs while you garden incase you come across any mandrakes
61) You burn off all your hair trying to master Floo Powder
62) You’ve actually gotten a howler form your parents
63) Parsltounge has become your second language
64) Your favorite sports team has become the Chudley Cannons
65) While most magicians try to pull a rabbit out of a hat, you try to pull out the sword of Godric Gryffindor
66) You check your bathroom for the Chamber of Secrets
67) You carry a mirror around with you to check around corners for Basilisks
68) Centaurs and elves are people too!
69) You tell your school advisor that you wish to take Charms, Potions, and Transfiguration next semester
70) You wonder why your family doesn’t have a house elf
71) You tell your teacher the next field trip should be to Hogsmeade
72) At every full moon you send Lupin a get well card
73) You’re up very late at night practicing the spell to create a Patronus incase you run into a dementor
74) Every big, bearish, black dog has you wondering if it’s Padfoot
75) You wish you had a Marauders Map (hell, who wouldn’t wish for something like that!)
76) While standing on a street corner you stick out your “wand” hand in an attempt to flag down the Knight Bus
77) Rats make you nervous, it may be Peter Pettigrew
78) You try to order butter beer at your local bar
79) You complain to the manager at your local supermarket that they are always out of pumpkin juice and butter beer
80) You’re afraid there’s a boggart under your bed
81) You keep a supply of chocolate with your first aid kit incase of dementor attack
82) You purchase a bandy legged, ginger cat with a squashed face and name him Crookshanks
83) You don’t understand why police just don’t send criminals to Azkaban
84) You’ve searched the internet in vain for tickets to the next Quidditch World Cup
85) You try to de-gnome your garden
86) You lecture people on the disgraceful treatment of House elves
87) You join S.P.E.W.
88) You get other people to join
89) You write the principle of your school imploring him to hold the Tri-wizard cup
90) You feel obligated to sign up for Care of Magical Creatures so as to not disappoint Hagrid
91) You tell your parents that you’ve finally made a career choice. “I’m going to work for the Ministry of Magic!”
92) The worst two insults anyone can call you are Blood traitor and Mudblood
93) You keep a niffler as a pet
94) You breed blast ended skrewts
95) You try to use the Imperius curse on your boss in the hopes of getting a raise
96) You’ve taken up astrology
97) You read your tea leaves
98) While reading your star chart you notice you have two Neptunes, which as everyone knows, means that there is a midget in glasses being born
99) WWDD (What would Dumbledore Do?)
100) You desperately wish to join the Order of the Phoenix to do your bit against You Know Who
101) You join Dumbledore’s army
102) You actually hire a hit man to kill Dolores Umbridge
103) You write a long letter to Percy, telling him what a stupid, stuck up, git he is
104) You are absolutely inconsolable over the death of Sirius Black
105) You practice Occlumency to prevent Voldemort from entering your mind
106) You wish to get a subscription to the Quibbler because the Daily Prophet has been slandering Harry and Dumbledore
107) You’re afraid of getting a detention on the off chance that it’s with Umbridge
108) You go on a desperate search for Number Twelve Grimmauld place
109) You study into the small hours of the morning for your O.W.L.s
110) You never keep your wand in your back pocket for fear of loosing a buttock
111)You wish you were a Metamorphmagus
112) You practice defense against the Dark Arts because you wish to be an Auror
113) You practice for your Apperation test
114) You tiptoe around your house, afraid of waking Mrs. Black
115) You feel your head is too full and try to remove some thoughts with your wand and put them into your pensive
116) You keep messing up your hair, just like James
117) You think mistletoe is full of nargles
118) For the next Fourth of July you try to order Weasley’s Wildfire Whiz Bangs
119) You try to buy a Weasley Skiving Snackbox so you can skip a few classes
120) You’ve turned the upper floor of your school into a swamp
121) You’ve seen a thestral
122) You’re wary of unfamiliar doorknobs, they may try to bite
123) You’ve been busy knitting hats to free all those poor, over worked house elves
124)You announce to the greater world that you have been chosen by Dumbledore to search the world for Horcruxes and destroy them to defeat Voldemort and save the world
125) You find yourself saying expressions such as Merlin’s beard or even Merlin’s pants
126) You absolutely refuse to believe that Lupin is dead, it's got to be a typo!
127) You’ve held a candle light vigil for Dobby
128) You search the music store for CDs by The Weird Sisters and Celestine Warbeck
129) You’ve lost your car keys and you try to retrieve them by waving your wand an shouting “Accio keys!”
130)You love “Won Won!”
131) You actually own the eighth book, Harry Potter and the Tea Kettle of Nesbit
Literature
101 Ways to Annoy Umbridge
101 Ways to Annoy Umbridge
1. Be Fred or George Weasley
2. Put nifflers in her office
3. Be Harry Potter
4. Tell her that pink is a sissy color
5. Mail her some dragon dung and say it was an early Christmas present
6. When she puts you in detention, hum "One way or another, I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha..." under your breath
7. Tell her that Lord Voldemort's returned
8. Tell her she looks like a toad
9. Suggest that she go to therapy
10. Tell her you've got "Umbridge-itis"
11. Tell her she needs an attitude adjustment
12. Form a secret army right under her nose
13. Whenever she asks you a question, mutter, "Evil hag"
14.
Literature
Harry Potter is better
Reasons why Harry Potter is Better than Twilight (SPOILERS):
1. Broomsticks are cool.
2. There are no dragons in Twilight, are they?
3. Harry has a HEARTBEAT
4. The weasley twins. nuff said.
5. Seamus Finnigan. (I come from an irish family. I can't help it.)
6. Draco Malfoy. Everyone likes a badboy.
7. Lupins a REAL WEREWOLF, not just some shapeshifting mutt.
8. Hogwarts is much more impressive than the cullen house.
9. Quidditch.
10. Cedric Diggory, the proof that hot guys do just fall from the sky. (You need to have seen the movie to get that one).
11. Ron Weasley, the best friend anybody could ever have.
12. Voldemort. Admit
Literature
Weasley's Wizard Wheezes
Hermione was reading One Hundred Ways To Pass OWLs Without Cheating. Ron and Harry had fled the compartment when she had triumphantly shown them the title of first chapter in her book: Don't Think You Will Get Anywhere Without Studying. She looked up from her book and watched the scene in front of her. Fred, George and Lee were poring over some sort of list. The couch was strewn with sweets. George and Fred pointed to one piece after another giving short murmered comments, after which Lee would pick it up and examine it closely. He made a few remarks in a doubtful voice, but most of the time he nodded approvingly.
"Your extracurricular activ
Suggested Collections
These are just a bunch of silly little things that popped into my head as I read the books in the Harry Potter series. The title wouldn't fit in the little box DA gives you. I felt like posting something in a much lighter vein after those two 9/11 posts. So here it is, You Know You've Been Reading Too Much Harry Potter When... Wait...There's no such thing as too much Harry Potter Hope you all enjoy!
© 2008 - 2024 Firestorm-the-Poet
Comments40
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I actually have a ticket for the Quidditch World Cup.
For real.
I'm not joking.
Also, it's 'Apparition', not 'Apperation'.
For real.
I'm not joking.
Also, it's 'Apparition', not 'Apperation'.