literature

Reading Too Much Harry Potter

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Literature Text

****WARNING SPOLIERS AHEAD******

You Know you’ve been reading too much Harry Potter when:

1) You stop every black haired boy with glasses and green eyes, searching their forehead for a lighting shaped scar

2) You try to send all you letters by owl post.

3) You think Quidditch should be made into an official Olympic sport

4) You check your mailbox in the hopes of getting that special letter from Hogwarts and become very depressed when there isn’t one

5) You search high and low in every hardware store for a Nimbus 2000 or a Firebolt , becoming very annoyed when the clerk tells you that there are no brooms by those names

6) When ever you see an owl winging its way over head you wonder if it’s Hedwig, Errol, or Pigwidgen

7) You search stores for the sorting hat because you want to know what house you belong in

8) You decorate your room in your school house colors

9) A cloak of invisibility is at the top of your Christmas list

10) You search London for Ollivander’s Wand shop

11) You have a pet toad

12) You’ve named your toad Trevor

13) You keep loosing him

14) Your Grandma has given you a rememberall, but you’ve forgotten where you’ve put it

15) You get yelled at by your mother for taking her broom while she is trying to clean. “But Mom! I have to practice for Quidditch!”

16) Anyone who isn’t interested in Harry Potter you refer to as muggles

17) You wonder why the people in your photographs don’t move

18) You’ve been caught trying to hold conversations with people in paintings

19) You search every art museum you can find, muttering passwords under your breath to every painting with a fat lady in it trying to find the Gryffindor common room

20) You land yourself in the hospital with a bad concussion after trying to find Plate Form 9 ¾ at your local train station

21) Any catastrophe that occurs in your house you blame on Peeves

22) You wish you had a pet dragon

23) You’d call your pet dragon Norbert

24) You do have a pet dragon named Norbert

25) You think vicious monsters such as dragons, three headed dogs, and giant spiders are merely misunderstood

26) The keepers of your local zoo caught you in the Python enclosure tying to see if the snake wanted to see Brazil

27) You hate chemistry because it reminds you too much of potions with Pro. Snape

28) You challenge your friends and family to games of wizard chess

29) You tell your bank that you wish to open an account with Gringotts

30) You are upset because Harry, Ron, and Hermione haven’t written you all summer

31) You walk down alleyways and begin tapping bricks in a desperate search for Diagon Alley

32) You believe robes of black should be the mandatory uniform of your school

33) You’ve been banned from your local candy store because you keep pestering them to order candy such as Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Bean and Chocolate Frogs

34) You have re-dubbed the small cluster of trees by your school the Forbidden Forest

35) You fly out to Romania hoping to study dragons with Charlie Weasley

36) You try to get a subscription to the Daily Prophet

37) You breed and sell three headed dogs

38) You can open any of the seven Harry Potter books to any page you want to without having to think twice

39) Your greatest ambition is to go to college on a Quidditch scholarship

40) You find yourself singing the songs of the sorting hat while in the shower

41) Halloween has become the most important holiday of them all

42) You write everything down on parchment with a quill

43) You go through serious withdrawals between books

44) You go through serious withdrawals between chapters

45) You throw a huge party every year on Harry’s birthday

46) You go around your school muttering words such as lemon drop trying to find the Headmasters office

47) You have written Firebolt on the handle of an old broom, donned a pair of black robes and a pair of goggles then proceed to run around your back yard astride it

48) You spend hours meticulously polishing the handle of your broom

49) You break your leg leaping of the roof astride a broomstick, shouting, “I see it! I see the snitch!”

50) Instead of collecting baseball cards you have a collection of Chocolate Frog cards

51) You have actually received the Order of Merlin, First Class

52) You wonder if the crazy, cat lady up the street isn’t really just Mrs. Figg

53) You get a chill anytime anyone mentions Vol…, I mean You Know Who

54) You complain to your car dealer that your car doesn’t fly and is missing its button of invisibility

55) You avoid any suspicious weeping willow trees, fearing they may try to hit you

56) You become paranoid that Dobby might try to save your life

57) You sigh dreamily whenever anyone mentions Lockheart

58) You have an overwhelming urge to puke whenever anyone mentions Lockheart

59) You join a dueling club only to be disappointed that they use swords instead of wands

60) You wear earplugs while you garden incase you come across any mandrakes

61) You burn off all your hair trying to master Floo Powder

62) You’ve actually gotten a howler form your parents

63) Parsltounge has become your second language

64) Your favorite sports team has become the Chudley Cannons

65) While most magicians try to pull a rabbit out of a hat, you try to pull out the sword of Godric Gryffindor

66) You check your bathroom for the Chamber of Secrets

67) You carry a mirror around with you to check around corners for Basilisks

68) Centaurs and elves are people too!

69) You tell your school advisor that you wish to take Charms, Potions, and Transfiguration next semester

70) You wonder why your family doesn’t have a house elf

71) You tell your teacher the next field trip should be to Hogsmeade

72) At every full moon you send Lupin a get well card

73) You’re up very late at night practicing the spell to create a Patronus incase you run into a dementor

74) Every big, bearish, black dog has you wondering if it’s Padfoot

75) You wish you had a Marauders Map (hell, who wouldn’t wish for something like that!)

76) While standing on a street corner you stick out your “wand” hand in an attempt to flag down the Knight Bus

77) Rats make you nervous, it may be Peter Pettigrew

78) You try to order butter beer at your local bar

79) You complain to the manager at your local supermarket that they are always out of pumpkin juice and butter beer

80) You’re afraid there’s a boggart under your bed

81) You keep a supply of chocolate with your first aid kit incase of dementor attack  

82) You purchase a bandy legged, ginger cat with a squashed face and name him Crookshanks

83) You don’t understand why police just don’t send criminals to Azkaban

84) You’ve searched the internet in vain for tickets to the next Quidditch World Cup

85) You try to de-gnome your garden

86) You lecture people on the disgraceful treatment of House elves

87) You join S.P.E.W.

88) You get other people to join

89) You write the principle of your school imploring him to hold the Tri-wizard cup

90) You feel obligated to sign up for Care of Magical Creatures so as to not disappoint Hagrid

91) You tell your parents that you’ve finally made a career choice. “I’m going to work for the Ministry of Magic!”

92) The worst two insults anyone can call you are Blood traitor and Mudblood

93) You keep a niffler as a pet

94) You breed blast ended skrewts

95) You try to use the Imperius curse on your boss in the hopes of getting a raise

96) You’ve taken up astrology

97) You read your tea leaves

98) While reading your star chart you notice you have two Neptunes, which as everyone knows, means that there is a midget in glasses being born

99) WWDD (What would Dumbledore Do?)

100) You desperately wish to join the Order of the Phoenix to do your bit against You Know Who

101) You join Dumbledore’s army

102) You actually hire a hit man to kill Dolores Umbridge

103) You write a long letter to Percy, telling him what a stupid, stuck up, git he is

104) You are absolutely inconsolable over the death of Sirius Black

105) You practice Occlumency to prevent Voldemort from entering your mind

106) You wish to get a subscription to the Quibbler because the Daily Prophet has been slandering Harry and Dumbledore

107) You’re afraid of getting a detention on the off chance that it’s with Umbridge

108) You go on a desperate search for Number Twelve Grimmauld place

109) You study into the small hours of the morning for your O.W.L.s

110) You never keep your wand in your back pocket for fear of loosing a buttock

111)You wish you were a Metamorphmagus

112) You practice defense against the Dark Arts because you wish to be an Auror

113) You practice for your Apperation test

114) You tiptoe around your house, afraid of waking Mrs. Black

115) You feel your head is too full and try to remove some thoughts with your wand and put them into your pensive

116) You keep messing up your hair, just like James

117) You think mistletoe is full of nargles

118) For the next Fourth of July you try to order Weasley’s Wildfire Whiz Bangs

119) You try to buy a Weasley Skiving Snackbox so you can skip a few classes

120) You’ve turned the upper floor of your school into a swamp

121) You’ve seen a thestral

122) You’re wary of unfamiliar doorknobs, they may try to bite

123) You’ve been busy knitting hats to free all those poor, over worked house elves

124)You announce to the greater world that you have been chosen by Dumbledore to search the world for Horcruxes and destroy them to defeat Voldemort and save the world

125) You find yourself saying expressions such as Merlin’s beard or even Merlin’s pants

126) You absolutely refuse to believe that Lupin is dead, it's got to be a typo!

127) You’ve held a candle light vigil for Dobby

128) You search the music store for CDs by The Weird Sisters and Celestine Warbeck

129) You’ve lost your car keys and you try to retrieve them by waving your wand an shouting “Accio keys!”

130)You love “Won Won!”

131) You actually own the eighth book, Harry Potter and the Tea Kettle of Nesbit
These are just a bunch of silly little things that popped into my head as I read the books in the Harry Potter series. The title wouldn't fit in the little box DA gives you. I felt like posting something in a much lighter vein after those two 9/11 posts. So here it is, You Know You've Been Reading Too Much Harry Potter When...:D Wait...There's no such thing as too much Harry Potter :XD: Hope you all enjoy!

© 2008 - 2024 Firestorm-the-Poet
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StarDust176's avatar
I actually have a ticket for the Quidditch World Cup.

For real.

I'm not joking.





Also, it's 'Apparition', not 'Apperation'.